Day 7 in Oz
February 23, 2002

Melbourne. What can I say of Melbourne that has not already been said of the other civilized areas that I have encountered. This is a city of such beauty. Yes, it still possesses the barking toilets, but one gets used to such things over time. Such cathedrals, parks and fountains, statues on every corner, surely it rivals the great cities of Europe.

My memorable excursion today took me to the Remembrance Memorial. This is dedicated to those Victorians that have lost their lives in the service of their country. In the center of the memorial they have a stone recessed into to floor and on it is inscribed "Greater Love Hath No Man". The ceiling contains an opening that, on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, causes a brilliant ray of sunlight to traverse the stone. In its journey, it reportedly shines on the word "Love" with an ethereal light. This effect (though much diminished) was reproduced for our small company whilst "Last Post" was sounded in the background.

If I have not remarked before, the Australian people are very close to their military history. Perhaps it is because their country was said to have been baptized in the Battle of Galipoli in Turkey in WWI when the country was yet to see its 20th year. Perhaps it is because WWII was fought in their backyard here in the Pacific. Or perhaps it is the love of country that is instilled in the British people stemming from their vast empire on which it was once said that the sun did not set.

Well, I awakened this day 41 stories in the air and gazed out upon a dark and gloomy day. (Perhaps this was because it was 5:30!) I was cheered when I reached the breakfast butteries. What can I say. Dates and figs, rocket melons and strawberries, locks and cream cheese with capers and onions and mushrooms that I must nominate as King of All Fungi! Surely the Queen herself breakfasted no better than I. Even as I ate, the sun broke through the clouds and cast its rays upon the bay and river below. Surely this day would stand out.

Well, this will be my last day in civilization for some days to come. I must depart this fair city for Alice Springs and the Outback. It is said that of the 10 most deadly snakes in the world, Australia is home to 10 of them! Along with the deadly spiders, it will take all of my skills to survive the ordeal. I must be off to provision myself with some of the local clothing so that, should my desiccated body be found years hence in the desert, it will be known that I visited Melbourne. Ah, at least my dear daughter will be here! She is even now traversing the thousands of miles of endless ocean. It is my hope that the same time vortex that almost consumed me does not engulf her!

I add here a few observances that should be of help to any that follow.

The toilet paper, while being narrower, is longer. That is, the distance between the perforations is greater. The overall effect is that you probably get about the same area per sheet, but when you put a new roll on, it tends to rub against the wall and you get "short sheeted" with the first pulls.

The newspapers are too wide!. They take up so much room on the breakfast table that there's no room left over for the plate! And what bloke would sacrifice plate room for a little news. (I would be happier were the newspapers narrower and the TP wider.) The coffee here is excellent! However, the cups are always too small and 80% percent of the time you hail the waiter, he is carrying a pot of blasted TEA! A pox on the bloody English and their bloody tea.

They serve grilled tomatoes for breakfast, which, in itself, is ok. Then they proceed to put something resembling pork and beans on top. Exactly what it is will have to remain a mystery. How this got to be breakfast food is beyond me. (I must relate here that I also observed this some years ago whilst in merry old England.)

Oh yeah, they drive on the wrong side of the street! When you step off of the curb, you'd better look right rather than left or you'll be squashed like a bug. (Or is it look left rather than right? Hhmmm.)

Bill, John, Scott D, you'll be happy to know that the Ausies have not discovered coarse ground pepper. If anything, the pepper is more finely ground that in the old days in America. As a result, you can get all of the pepper you wish out of a single hole without removing the top! (A good thing, since all the peppershakers I have met are porcelain and their tops do not come off.)

Well, must be off to Alice Springs. I hear they are known for their CHICKEN! Do not know if they have enough technology for me to write before reaching Cairns.

Until then, I remain ever vigilant of critters.
George

To Day 13 in Oz